Mental Health Medication
I see a lot of questions in mental health spaces about medication: antidepressants, anxiety meds, etc. It’s probably the most popular topic outside of maybe heartbreak (and I think we’ve got that one already extensively covered here). So this is a quick and dirty piece about my own experience with mental health medication. The TL;DR is that I take it and I like it.
The Concerns
People are scared to take it because it might change their personality (or in IFS circles, some people are scared they will lose their parts).
People are frustrated because it hasn’t cured them.
People wonder what worked for someone else.
People wonder if their reactions are normal or cause for concern.
People wonder if medication will do anything at all.
People worry they will become addicted or dependent.
I avoided mental health medication for ten years. I was scared it would change me or make me a zombie or make me actually jump off the bridge or take away my creativity (was my creativity only possible because I was sad?) There was also probably an element of believing medication meant something was really wrong with me.
When I first went to therapy, I specifically chose psychologists and therapists instead of psychiatrists because I did not want medication to even be an option. It was one of the first things I would say in initial sessions. I wanted other ways of working through what I was going through.
A couple things changed my mind
When I started considering mental health a real disease, I started thinking about how we treat it differently. I am not medication adverse. I pop Advil every 4 hours when I’m on my period and I keep a bottle of Excedrin in my bag for whenever a mystery migraine shows up. I put icy hot on sore muscles. I take Claritin-D for my allergies. Benedryl has literally saved my life more than once. I carry an epi-pen in case I eat a nut. I carry an inhaler in case I can’t breathe.
Something hurts my body and I am willing to do something to help.
So if depression really is a chemical imbalance and some medication would help, why shouldn’t I try?
I stopped therapy altogether during COVID. I lost my job and couldn’t afford it. And I spiraled deeper into depression. After about a year and a half, I reached out to my old therapist, who was a holistic healer, and asked for a session. She had prescribed supplements and vitamins instead of medications in the past and we used body work and yoga and meditation in combination. It worked in a lot of ways.
I described how I was feeling and she suggested that maybe I see a psychiatrist and try some low dose antidepressants. It shocked me especially coming from her. She said that sometimes the little chemical help gives you the boost out of the rut that you need to keep going.
So I made an appointment.
The Process
Mental health stuff is expensive. Psychiatrists are expensive. So instead, I chose one of the online services (Cerebral - I don’t have a strong recommendation for their overall service, but I got the meds I needed). It was a short 30 minute intake appointment. She prescribed me a low dose of one medication and set a check in appointment for four months later.
Medications like these don’t tend to settle into our rhythm fully until four to six months in so the change isn’t immediate and the process can feel long to getting relief.
At the follow up, I told her I thought it was helping, but maybe not enough.
She upped the dose to double, which was the only option, and I couldn’t fall asleep at night because they were too strong of a stimulant. I went back for an appointment and she took me back to the original dose and then added a small dose of another medication to supplement.
The trial and error process can be a lot longer than that - I feel lucky that mine was short. Different things work for different people. I’m not naming my medications because I don’t think that’s useful. Different medications affect each person differently. Different doses affect each person differently. It can be a frustrating process to finding what works for you, but don’t rely on other people’s experiences to make decisions - one of the medications I am on is a lifesaver for some and gave other terrible side effects.
I still take a low dose of those two medications. I was prescribed them two years ago. Getting them refilled is sometimes very annoying because of changing health insurance and providers, but it’s worth it.
They didn’t change my personality
I think they actually gave me greater access to my personality and my parts. Medication didn’t make me feel happy, but it did make me feel just little bit lighter. It made me feel like it was possible to get out of the pit. It made it possible to do the other things I really needed to do to claw my way out of depression - things like exercise and eating well and doing the work in therapy. Before medication, I often wasn’t able to do those things at all even though I knew I should.
I started medication around the same time as I started other habits: writing, walking more, drinking more water, taking some vitamins. I felt better, but the effect was so subtle that I wasn’t even sure they were working until I forgot them for a few days in a row. They’re working.
They’re not a cure
My sister has a dog who is scared of everything. He’s a pandemic dog. The vet prescribed him an anti-anxiety medication. The point was not to cure him. It was to turn down the fight or flight response just enough that they could train him to not be so scared. The medication wouldn’t rewire his brain, but it might allow him to do the work to rewire it himself.
I was secretly hoping medication would be a miracle cure all, but my therapist was clear with expectations. She said this was just to help me get out of the rut enough to do the work to heal and feel better. It would not fix everything. It would be a tool in healing. I’ve found this to be true. It gives me enough of a lift that I can do the things for myself that I know work. It helps me get out of bed and take the dog on a walk and exercise or cook and eat something nutritious. And those are the things that really work.
All this is just to say, medication helps me, but it did not cure me and if you expect it to, you will likely be disappointed. It is a tool to help you feel strong enough to do the rest of the work. I strongly encourage anyone who takes meds to also be in some kind of therapy and to work on their own nervous system regulation too.
Don’t ask strangers on the internet for advice about medication. Communicate with your doctor. Get a new doctor if you don’t trust your doctor. Listen to and trust your body. And make sure someone you love knows you’re trying new things so you have someone to call if a side effect is strong.
I forget to take them sometimes because they need to be taken with food and that’s bad. Don’t forget to take your meds!
For more mental health pieces, here’s the HQ.