Ways to Regulate Your Nervous System
A practical and growing collection of tools and tips
Why this matters (the shortest version I can manage to write)
When our nervous system is dysregulated, we get stuck in flight, fight, or freeze mode and cannot access the rest of our brain. Regulating our nervous system makes emotional regulation, rational thought, relationships with others, and even storing and recalling memories possible.
This system is built to protect us - in an actual emergency survival situation, it’s imperative that we focus on fight, flight, or freeze! It makes total sense. But many of us are dysregulated more often than necessary and some of us have fallen into a pattern of constant dysregulation (uh, at least partly due to the insanity that is modern society). Our sweet sweet little brains are trying so hard to protect us all of the time.
The goal of nervous system regulation practices (for me, at least) is to be able to pull out of long term dysregulation, to be able to bounce back from momentary dysregulation more quickly, and to reserve my fight or flight mode for actual emergencies.
The mind and body are connected. Some mental health experts work to solve mental health issues from the top down by starting with your mind (talk therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, etc). Other people think we can start with the body and nervous system and solve mental health issues simply through physical practices. I really started healing when I learned to combine both.
I spent years being dysregulated. I still struggle with it and this is a constant practice, but before learning about it I was chronically depressed, ruled by anxious thoughts, and almost constantly irritable. I was disconnected from my intuition - I couldn’t make decisions to save my life. I thought I was just an angry, depressed person. And I hated myself for it.
Guys! It turns out I’m actually super lovely when my nervous system is regulated! And I like myself a lot. I even like my super sensitive nervous system because I know it was just trying to protect me and it needed my help to relax. My base state is calmer now. And it feels good. It feels like a fucking revolution.
Calm is the true rebellion in the current state of the world. It is power.
That’s why this matters.
Okay, everything else is bullet points. You made it.
Some signs of a dysregulated nervous system
depression, anxiety, and burnout
irritability, anger, and lashing out (me me me)
inability to think straight (this one happens to me a lot in arguments)
brain fog
lack of motivation
not being able to remember things
not feeling connected to your gut or intuition
chronic pain or illness
Why is this harder for some of us than others?
So many factors play into this!
Trauma, stress, sleep deprivation, and more can cause your nervous system to dysregulate.
Self soothing is something many of us learned as children and many of us didn’t. It’s different for everyone and may change throughout your life.
Some of our nervous systems are just more sensitive than others. (Me, I am this. If you also feel super sensitive, check out information on HSPs.)
Check In
Years before I learned about nervous system regulation, I learned a trick that I didn’t clock as being about my nervous system at the time, but totally is.
When I find myself getting irritable or annoyed with people, I check in with my body before snapping…
Am I hungry? Have I eaten today?
When is the last time I drank water?
Are there environmental factors that are bothering me like heat?
It’s amazing how often the answer was… oh, I need a snack or a glass of water and now everything is just... fine??!
When I learned this and shared it with my partner at the time, we would even ask these questions of each other at the beginning of an argument or serious conversation. Am I optimal brain state? Now I do this check in times or stress and also in times of decision making.
Building the Regular Practice
To train your nervous system to feel regulated regularly, we can indulge in regular practices of things that regulate our nervous system. (The writer in me hates the use of the same word four times, but this is a practical piece, not a beautiful one so we move on.) Build your own list of what works for you and what is realistic with your lifestyle. Here are some ideas:
Rest!
Volunteering.
Unstructured play.
Doing things you love.
Dancing and moving your body.
Developing a gratitude frame routine - write 3 things you’re looking forward to every morning and 3 things you’re grateful for every night.
Exercise and/or yoga.
Spending time regularly in nature.
A regular mediation practice.
Creating regular time for your hobbies and things you love to do.
Creating awareness around the things that cause you to dysregulate. What are your triggers/activators? How can you avoid them or take care of yourself in those situations?
Example: I am very sensitive to my physical environment. I noticed I get crabby when things are just too loud and chaotic. Instead of getting frustrated at myself, I now carry great noise cancelling headphones everywhere so I can take care of myself in those situations.
Another: It’s common to become dysregulated in arguments with others. I can’t avoid all disagreements, but I can know that I am dysregulated and ask for two minutes to go regulate myself before continuing instead of allowing things to spin out until I am a monster who can’t even comprehend about what I’m saying.
Create awareness of the things you do when you are dysregulated so you can notice your own behavior and work towards regulation
Examples from my own list: becoming irritable “for no reason”, burnout, uncontrollable anxious thoughts, binge eating, doom scrolling or tv watching, excessive alcohol consumption.
Create awareness around the things that create safety and calm for your nervous system (some call these glimmers which is just so wholesome.)
Example: The whole next section!
Glimmersssss
Make your own list of things that make you feel calm or bring you joy. Here are some of mine:
Reading fiction
Hiking and being in nature
Playing with my dog - my dog’s joy is the glimmeriest of glimmers
Journaling/Writing it out (he-ey ;))
Yoga, meditation, exercise, and moving my body chaotically.
Being with friends.
Sunsets.
Things that make me laugh especially this video and any video where people are still coming down from laughing gas (wisdom teeth removal videos slay me.)
With this one, I do have to be careful not to go into a youtube rabbit hole where I am numbing instead of just watching one or two videos intentionally.
Regulation Tools to use in Emergency Moments!
Hug someone you trust for 30 seconds.
Lay next to or cuddle a pet.
Ground yourself in your present space by noticing things with your five sense.
Take a walk, sit in nature, or lay in the sun.
Put on your favorite song and dance with no abandon.
Shake your whole body to release. (Think of a dog!)
Write someone a text or email telling them how grateful you are that they are in their life.
List 5 things you’re grateful for.
List 5 things you can immediately see, hear, smell, taste, or touch.
Put a hand on your chest and rub it in circles.
Tell yourself “I am safe.”
Laugh.
Adult coloring books.
Grounding and bodyweight exercises like push ups, planks, squats, and wall pushes.
Fill a bowl with ice water and dunk your face in it.
Put your arms around yourself in a hug and rock back and forth gently.
Stimulate your vagus nerve by singing, chanting, humming, or gargling.
Breathwork - a few of my favorites are below.
Breathwork for quick regulation
Deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth
Box breathing - In for 4, hold for 4, out for 4, hold for 4.
In for 4, hold for 4, out for 8, hold for 4
The physiological sigh: 2 back to back inhales via nose to maximum lung inflation, followed by full exhale via mouth to lungs empty (thanks to Dr. Andrew. D. Huberman for this one!)
Bonus - Ways you can help regulate someone else’s nervous system!
Be regulated around them! Co-regulation is one of the most powerful regulators.
Validate, affirm, and support with your words!
Hug (give it 30 seconds!) or cuddle.
Do an act of kindness for them.
Be present!
Give something thoughtful.
Dance party!
Make them laugh.
Encourage them to try anything on the list above or do it with them.
Don’t get sucked into their dysregulation! Your greatest source of strength for yourself and others is your own regulation
Find what works for you! What’s on your glimmer list?
Next up? Read about embodiment and how to release your emotions through your body
PS - If you find this super interesting and want to learn more, look into polyvagal theory, somatic work, and you can also study more about the science/anatomy of the nervous system and brain! This is a super practical guide and I didn’t go deeply into the theory or science, but it’s great stuff if that’s your thing!