I've got that little girl in me too. Chronic pain is a big part of what makes her feel like it's the only option. I stay for my daughter. But I also sometimes have parts secretly planning ways to exit that could look like an accident and therefore slightly less traumatic for her. If loneliness is part of your picture, we should make a FaceTime date and work on keeping up together more regularly. I've got the loneliness piece as well. Just shoot me an email with some dates and times where we could catch up. I'll share one thing that emphasized my loneliness – I organized a book club with some girlfriends from various parts of my life and we met exactly once back in April or May and it was really great but I can't get everyone to commit to another meeting. Some of that was summer vacation schedules but that excuse is gone now. I should try it again, but I also get annoyed that I have to be the one to initiate things. Don't know if you have similar experiences.
I definitely can relate to that experience. I can also relate to being on the flakier end of that equation (as you well know). But yes, let's make some time to keep up with each other.
Chronic pain sounds like such a constant barrier. I can't even imagine. You are so strong to keep staying. Thank you for sharing so vulnerably. I know your daughter is grateful and glad you're here. You're a good mom and a good person. Love you.
I’m reading this while watching Inside Out 2 with my girls and it’s just so easy to let that anxious part of my head run wild.
I find so often it’s not even the difficult parts of my life that overwhelm me. It’s the assumptions of what others will do or assumptions of why they’re doing things that make things difficult for me that are the hardest to wrestle.
I could definitely do better about taking inventory of things I know, and being sure they aren’t just things I fear.
This is so real. Our brains are so busy trying to keep us safe by "figuring things out" and building these scenarios and assumptions that it's hard to just be where we are and know what we know. You're doing a good job, just by realizing this for what it is! Thank you for the reminder.
Sending a big hug to this sweet, sweet girl and these thoughts. It's been a season of down in the dumps the past few weeks for me (we had 2 straight weeks of cloudy skies/rain and no sunshine, I truly think this trigged/contributed), and it's an odd sensation, because we know we are in it and we want so desperately to pull ourselves out of the fog.... but that part seems out of our control? I'm seeing the sunshine again. Your post reminds me of this quote that I love from Glennon Doyle Melton:
"I'm not a mess but a deeply feeling person in a messy world. I explain that now, when someone asks me why I cry so often, I say, 'For the same reason I laugh so often -- because I'm paying attention.' I tell them that we can choose to be perfect and admired or to be real and loved. We must decide."
Oh how I love Glennon's deeply feeling wisdom. Thank you for sharing this. I hope the skies have gotten brighter where you are. Sending you love either way.
I've got that little girl in me too. Chronic pain is a big part of what makes her feel like it's the only option. I stay for my daughter. But I also sometimes have parts secretly planning ways to exit that could look like an accident and therefore slightly less traumatic for her. If loneliness is part of your picture, we should make a FaceTime date and work on keeping up together more regularly. I've got the loneliness piece as well. Just shoot me an email with some dates and times where we could catch up. I'll share one thing that emphasized my loneliness – I organized a book club with some girlfriends from various parts of my life and we met exactly once back in April or May and it was really great but I can't get everyone to commit to another meeting. Some of that was summer vacation schedules but that excuse is gone now. I should try it again, but I also get annoyed that I have to be the one to initiate things. Don't know if you have similar experiences.
I definitely can relate to that experience. I can also relate to being on the flakier end of that equation (as you well know). But yes, let's make some time to keep up with each other.
Chronic pain sounds like such a constant barrier. I can't even imagine. You are so strong to keep staying. Thank you for sharing so vulnerably. I know your daughter is grateful and glad you're here. You're a good mom and a good person. Love you.
Send me some dates and times that we could FaceTime!
I’m reading this while watching Inside Out 2 with my girls and it’s just so easy to let that anxious part of my head run wild.
I find so often it’s not even the difficult parts of my life that overwhelm me. It’s the assumptions of what others will do or assumptions of why they’re doing things that make things difficult for me that are the hardest to wrestle.
I could definitely do better about taking inventory of things I know, and being sure they aren’t just things I fear.
I love that quote – never heard it before but it is spot on.
This is so real. Our brains are so busy trying to keep us safe by "figuring things out" and building these scenarios and assumptions that it's hard to just be where we are and know what we know. You're doing a good job, just by realizing this for what it is! Thank you for the reminder.
Sending a big hug to this sweet, sweet girl and these thoughts. It's been a season of down in the dumps the past few weeks for me (we had 2 straight weeks of cloudy skies/rain and no sunshine, I truly think this trigged/contributed), and it's an odd sensation, because we know we are in it and we want so desperately to pull ourselves out of the fog.... but that part seems out of our control? I'm seeing the sunshine again. Your post reminds me of this quote that I love from Glennon Doyle Melton:
"I'm not a mess but a deeply feeling person in a messy world. I explain that now, when someone asks me why I cry so often, I say, 'For the same reason I laugh so often -- because I'm paying attention.' I tell them that we can choose to be perfect and admired or to be real and loved. We must decide."
I hope you feel less alone <3
Oh how I love Glennon's deeply feeling wisdom. Thank you for sharing this. I hope the skies have gotten brighter where you are. Sending you love either way.
Thank you for this beautiful right. I relate to it very deeply.
Thank you for sharing and reading, Denise. Sending you love.